Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: 13 Signs & Relationship Patterns

All you can do now is pick up the pieces and keep moving forward with what you’ve learned. If you prefer to go the route of a workbook, we recently released our first series of attachment style digital workbooks. In addition, we have the process of building a healthy self-esteem.

Intimacy and closeness can feel really good and you can still have the boundaries you need. Well, anyone with an avoidant attachment style will send mixed signals, shy away from intimacy, have insanely high standards, and imagine themselves as the most romantic people on the face of the planet. What I’m saying is, even with all these things in place, it may still take a dismissive avoidant long to come back. This is because relationships are just not something dismissive avoidants feel they need or prioritize.

The Pros and Cons of Relationship Ambiguity

And when she did, Joanne was terse and brief in her responses and not forthcoming about her feelings, wants, and needs. Needless to say, she had gotten nowhere with online dating. Joanne had this particular attachment style, as both her parents were workaholics. By following this inner unconscious template in her marriage, she tended to avoid both physical and emotional intimacy. If your parenting included consistent or prolonged abandonment or smothering , this can lead to a Dismissive Avoidant attachment style. This means you tend to avoid closeness or intimacy and, when triggered, run away from your partner, both literally and figuratively.

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They learned that people will hurt or abandon them and that the only person they can depend on is themselves. The studies conducted on 415 people showed a strong correlation between infidelity and people with an avoidant attachment style. It is interesting to note that gender did not play a factor in the propensity to cheat. In fact, the correlation with infidelity was just as strong with both genders.

Especially if you are an anxious type, you may feel hyper-vigilant, intensely monitoring the emotions of your partner and extremely sensitive to cues that your partner may be pulling away. But quickly jumping to conclusions causes you to misinterpret each other’s emotional state, which can cause conflict and strife for no reason. Before you react, take a moment to look at your partner’s intentions.

However, individuals with fearful avoidant attachment patterns may struggle with conflicting desires for closeness and distance in relationships. Hence, therapy is often needed for such types of behaviors. In this blog, we will discuss different types, benefits, and tips for fearful avoidant attachment therapy. Individuals with fearful avoidant attachment are a combination of the preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant styles of insecure attachment.

How Joanne Overcame Her Self-Sabotaging Attachment Style

Normally, it’s not a good idea to send your ex things to learn about himself. It’s best for him to find the motivation as well as the material himself. You can do it much later if the two of you become friends or something. Just keep in mind that it won’t necessarily help him much. If he thinks the breakup was mutual, that’s not such a bad thing. It means he didn’t lose respect for you and didn’t feel suffocated by you.

Disorganized/disoriented attachment, also referred to as fearful-avoidant attachment, stems from intense fear, often as a result of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. Adults with this style of insecure attachment tend to feel they don’t deserve love or closeness in a relationship. I was dumped over some intimate photos of us that got revealed after I allowed someone to use my computer. I found them in an unmarked folder after doing a history search on my computer.

~Some might admit that they have made the mistake but don’t feel ready to come back yet. Hence, when this happens, they will immediately pull away because they are afraid of feeling more. Then when you reach the point when you start to heal after four or more weeks, the avoidant feels the urge to contact you. Usually, fearful-avoidant dumpers just break up with you without giving any particular reason.


I feel very comfortable and happy alone and I don’t desire to let anyone else into my life or heart. So, if you have been stuck in a cycle of recalling painful memories or imagining anxiety-provoking interactions or heartbreak, these circuits will be well established and readily triggered. Allowing adequate personal space and privacy to the avoidant person you’re interested in is essential.

That doesn’t have to do anything with you, but it’s directly connected with them. That’s because if had a troubled past with their parents then while you’re https://hookupsranked.com/heyy-review/ loving them, they might feel unlovable. Even though they might initiate the breakup and enjoy it, they still want you to reach out to them first.

She, too, had brought it up to her therapist — not the other way around. And of course, on her recommendation, her roommate read it as well. In the three years since I read it, I saw the book more and more often on other people’s bookshelves, had more conversations about it, even overheard more conversations about it.